Beware of God
By Shalom Auslander
Reviewed by: Katie Weekley
With his book Beware of God, Shalom Auslander is following the footsteps
of writers like Woody Allen or Phillip Roth. Auslander, who claims to have
made a pivotal break from his faith at a Rangers Game, is a Jewish writer
whose work is based on questioning his religion. Unlike the angst-ridden,
often cynical work of Roth or Allen, Auslander's stories are more
observational, sometimes magical and always humorous.
In one of the funniest stories in the collection, "It Ain't Easy Bein'
Supremacy," the protagonist, Epstein, gets his hands on a "Kaballah for
Dummies" book and builds himself a golem out of fifty pounds of soil. At
first, Epstein, "a low level assistant in an insignificant office of a
monolithic corporation," is thrilled to have created a being in his own
image, a being that lives to serve him, following such commands as, "Stand!
Do the Laundry! Bring unto me a beer!" Of course, problems arise when the
golem strives to understand how to perfectly follow these commands. "Lite or
regular? Ale of Lager? Amber or Cherry Wheat?" Hoping to solve this problem,
Epstein builds another golem, and the two spend all their time arguing the
finer details of serving their master, recording every word of his commands
in ragged black notebooks: an entire volume on the subject of beer, and two
on chips and other snacks. Amidst teetering piles of stinking clothing, the
two golems argue what exactly constitutes color in order to properly
separate the laundry according to the word of Epstein, who in turn, wishes
his Kaballah guide included details on how to uncreate them.
Much of Auslander's humor comes from taking the old stories and putting them
into the present. In "Prophet's Dilemma," it is late one night when
Schwartzman receives a direct word from God to build an ark, and he can only
think that "God had to be kidding. Schwartzman had an 8:30 with a client the
next morning." Schwarztman's wife, in true modern prioritizing, "aimed the
remote control at the TV set and turned the volume up as high as it would
go. She held the button pressed for a few extra seconds - in case He missed
the point." And Schwartzman, who does follow God's order, finds that the
command isn't so hard to bear out, that all the materials are easily
available at Home Depot and in fact, "there was absolutely nothing you could
tell Home Depot Man you were building that would surprise him, that would
get any reaction from him at all, for that matter, aside from the usual
skepticism about your choice of building materials."
All of the stories are funny, yet meaningful and perhaps the most striking
story is "Holocaust Tips for Kids" where Auslander describes the horrific
period in history through the frightened yet practical wisdom of a child.
The child narrator plans various ways of escaping the Nazis, planning routes
out of his house and reasoning that climbing a tree might be safest. "I
doubt the Nazis will check every tree house in America. It will probably be
difficult for them to climb trees in those boots." It is uplifting to read
that the child sees himself as a hero in this narrative, comparing himself
to Bruce Lee, and planning to bring ninja throwing stars in his escape
suitcase.
Auslander's stories are a thoughtful and humorous read, and even with the
sometimes unusual subject matter, this is a very accessible collection.
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