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Beware of God
By Shalom Auslander
Reviewed by: Katie Weekley

With his book Beware of God, Shalom Auslander is following the footsteps of writers like Woody Allen or Phillip Roth. Auslander, who claims to have made a pivotal break from his faith at a Rangers Game, is a Jewish writer whose work is based on questioning his religion. Unlike the angst-ridden, often cynical work of Roth or Allen, Auslander's stories are more observational, sometimes magical and always humorous.

In one of the funniest stories in the collection, "It Ain't Easy Bein' Supremacy," the protagonist, Epstein, gets his hands on a "Kaballah for Dummies" book and builds himself a golem out of fifty pounds of soil. At first, Epstein, "a low level assistant in an insignificant office of a monolithic corporation," is thrilled to have created a being in his own image, a being that lives to serve him, following such commands as, "Stand! Do the Laundry! Bring unto me a beer!" Of course, problems arise when the golem strives to understand how to perfectly follow these commands. "Lite or regular? Ale of Lager? Amber or Cherry Wheat?" Hoping to solve this problem, Epstein builds another golem, and the two spend all their time arguing the finer details of serving their master, recording every word of his commands in ragged black notebooks: an entire volume on the subject of beer, and two on chips and other snacks. Amidst teetering piles of stinking clothing, the two golems argue what exactly constitutes color in order to properly separate the laundry according to the word of Epstein, who in turn, wishes his Kaballah guide included details on how to uncreate them.

Much of Auslander's humor comes from taking the old stories and putting them into the present. In "Prophet's Dilemma," it is late one night when Schwartzman receives a direct word from God to build an ark, and he can only think that "God had to be kidding. Schwartzman had an 8:30 with a client the next morning." Schwarztman's wife, in true modern prioritizing, "aimed the remote control at the TV set and turned the volume up as high as it would go. She held the button pressed for a few extra seconds - in case He missed the point." And Schwartzman, who does follow God's order, finds that the command isn't so hard to bear out, that all the materials are easily available at Home Depot and in fact, "there was absolutely nothing you could tell Home Depot Man you were building that would surprise him, that would get any reaction from him at all, for that matter, aside from the usual skepticism about your choice of building materials."

All of the stories are funny, yet meaningful and perhaps the most striking story is "Holocaust Tips for Kids" where Auslander describes the horrific period in history through the frightened yet practical wisdom of a child. The child narrator plans various ways of escaping the Nazis, planning routes out of his house and reasoning that climbing a tree might be safest. "I doubt the Nazis will check every tree house in America. It will probably be difficult for them to climb trees in those boots." It is uplifting to read that the child sees himself as a hero in this narrative, comparing himself to Bruce Lee, and planning to bring ninja throwing stars in his escape suitcase.

Auslander's stories are a thoughtful and humorous read, and even with the sometimes unusual subject matter, this is a very accessible collection.



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